Duty

"Duty is the most sublime word in our language. Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more. You should never wish to do less." - Robert E. Lee

 

The wonderful thing about having a birthday is getting to revel in the fact that you have persevered and can celebrate another year of life. As someone who considers myself to be a semi-functional writer it also gives me a chance to pontificate about the things I think are important. I sat down to write this yesterday with a lot of thoughts on my mind and deleted it because I felt, "Who the hell cares what I have to say?" That's a pretty common thought for me as a writer. I realize that there is certain arrogance in thinking that anyone else actually cares what my thoughts may be. However, I have no way of knowing if I am going to say something that changes one person for the better, so I better use the talents that I seem to have and put down a few thoughts when I have them. Maybe if nothing else they will offer Liam something to look back on when I have shuffled off this mortal coil to help round out his understanding of the lessons I've been trying to impart. You never know how many birthdays you have.

I have always loved my birthday. When I was younger, like 30, it was about adoration and presents and people paying attention to me. No one spends eighty percent of their life writing and trying to be published if they want to be obscure. I've come to realize that there is something bigger worth celebrating; there is a certain triumph in the act of perseverance. I posted a quote of Nietzsche awhile back that I truly love, "That which does not break my back makes me stronger." I like that at 33 I am hitting my stride. I've been thrown challenges, and continue to face some monumental ones, but I have also known victory, triumph, love, and the supreme joy that comes from persevering. Teddy Roosevelt is one of my heroes. He was a man who dreamed huge dreams but knew that he needed to work with diligent effort to achieve his dreams. He once remarked that real life occurs between 30 and 60, because the young have their heads in the clouds and the old are filled with regret. I like to think that I have banished regret from my life, but we'll see what I have to say 27 years from now. I think though that as I look at my life a quote of his from a speech at the Sorbonne is one I have tried to keep ever present in my mind, "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

As I look back on the past 33 years I do it with a fond reverence for each and every moment that has made me the man I am today: the failures much more so than the wins; the depths of despair that allow me to now appreciate the resplendent rapture of happiness; the constant struggle to find my way. Never did I feel there was a path before me. Each and every time that I chose to set out on a course it seemed to lead me to ruin, but when I gave up on the life I wanted to have, and opened myself to the course the universe has set out before me, then I have found success, happiness and joy.

If there is anything that I can impart to Liam it is this: Do your Duty. You have a duty to your family, to your community, to your country, and to yourself. It is the idea of Dharma, the Indian concept of a virtuous path that needs to be the guidepost. It's a lesson that I saw in the Star Wars movies, that was cultivated in me through Scouting and a youth filled with volunteering, and ultimately laid a foundation for wanting to serve in a meaningful way as an adult. My duty has led me to the fire service, a trade that has brought me joy as well as quite a great deal of pain over the years. That wasn't the life I planned, but it was the one the universe put in front of me to follow. I didn't grow up wanting to be a fireman. When it was first placed before me I can honestly say that I had to look it over several times and more than once I rejected the call to duty out of a desire to follow the plan I had for myself. Somehow though I never turned my back; I kept one foot in this life, and I was fortunate to have the chance to grow, stumble, and finally find my way. I have no idea where that path it is leading me in the fire service. I hope that I am being a dutiful servant of the cause along the way. I know that there are amazing challenges ahead and amazing rewards to be had personally, professionally, and spiritually as I continue on. I am thankful everyday to have this chance to grow and to serve a purpose. It's amazing what happens when you surrender to your nature; if you open your eyes, and quiet the mind, you manage to find your bliss.

That sense of Duty fills my experience. I oftentimes chose to behave certain ways out of a sense of duty, an obligation. For example, when my wife and I were first dating we talked about a sense of obligation to care for our parents, now and as they grow older. We recognized in each other a trait, an affliction of character, the rendered us nearly incapable of looking out only for ourselves. Aside from knowing that we must meet our obligations, and we do so joyfully because we know that it is part of who we are, we also fulfill our duty in many ways. Being there for our son; performing jobs of service; lending a hand to someone who needs it.

We have a lot going on in our lives right now. Heather is likely having surgery to remove the tumor on her skull-base within the next week. In dealing with this I have come to realize that if you embrace your duty it really is a beautiful expression of love. What else can you call the action of running into a burning building, or diligently working with a first grader to make sure she can read, or having a forty-minute conversation about the attributes of your kids Bakugan? Those are acts of love. In the same way ensuring that the woman you love, who you have chosen, knows that for good or for ill you will stand beside her, ready to fight. The next week will bring many changes in my life. Regardless of the outcome of Heather's surgery, our lives will be different. We expect for the better; being two crusty old-souls though we prepare. That preparation for what to do if things don't go "well" is out of love, out of duty, as well. It would be unimaginable to find yourself suddenly pitched forward into the most emotionally tumultuous time possible, and not have a plan in place.